I decided I was ready for a boyfriend around a year ago but meeting someone on a night out was not an option. A drunk man with alcohol breath on your neck is not what I call attractive. So the other alternative was the Internet where people advertise what they’re looking for. Most of them are the same old, ‘Genuine guy, tired of being single looking for nice girl… Then comes the likes and dislikes followed by the physical preferences of their idea lady. My kind of guy is Simon Baker, but, unfortunately for me, he’s already married
I decided to reply to a couple of dating ads (adverts) and indulged in a couple of dates. Most of them were a total failure. One guy said he was 30 but looked more like 50. Another said he was only looking for a friendship and then suggested showing me his room after the second pint. And the final disappointment was a 35 year old man who lived at home and was looking for a substitute for a mother to clean up the flat, cook, and iron. Then there was Iain. It’s funny how you can create the illusion of knowing someone through emails and chat rooms. I genuinely thought I liked him and then I met him. Shorter than I thought, he had child- like hands, and a spooky laugh. Another failed date to add to the list.
I grew tired of this website but still wanted a boyfriend. I decided to create a profile on a website dedicated exclusively to the dating business. It allowed a person to find people with similar interests using the advanced search to refine your results. Generally, everyone has a profile picture so you can see what they look like. Although the photos can sometimes be misleading and there is no guarantee that they’re accurate to what they really look like.
I found that guys on this website were less committed to finding love, and wanted to just ‘fool around’. I had a date with a Glaswegian. It didn’t work. He never looked me in the eye and concentrate on my neckline region. I abandoned my searching and deleted my profile . Closing my account, I put my reason for leaving as, ‘too many jerks’.
I was resigned to the idea of being single forever but I decided to give love one more chance with the first website I tried. One more ad, just one more, the last one.
I met Phil 7 months ago. We started emailing each other four days before meeting up. He put an ad in an online dating website and I replied.
I liked him from the very first day. He was handsome and kind. He took my hand and walked me home. The next day, he cooked me dinner and the first hint of our future rupture that day. He ate with his mouth open. I didn’t think it was appropriate to tell him to close it and as he was a great guy, I decided to overlook the fact that I can’t stand people who eat with their mouths open. I thought it was time to change, to become more tolerant. I thought he deserved a chance. So I let it be.
Apart from that minuscule detail he was a gift from God or Gumtree. He was almost perfect.
After seven months, we broke up. Of course I gave him a more elaborated excuse than “I’ll commit suicide if I have to hear you chewing again”. I wouldn’t even call it an excuse, because everything I said is true in my opinion. And that wasn’t the only reason, we became an old couple in 7 months, we were absorbed by the routine, there was no excitement anymore. “We are very different, we want different things and this is just not working. I’ve been very happy with you but I’m not anymore and I prefer to leave it here before things get really wrong between us”. Good, isn’t it?
My heart is not broken and his is just a little bit injured.
Recently, I decided to surf the Internet and look for a boyfriend again. Not a boy this time. I was looking for a man. And he found me.
I made another profile in the “too many jerks” site. I made up a really fresh and original statement to get myself picked from the expiring shelf. Last week I got a message from Him. The man I have fancied him since 2002 when he was the doorman of a club I used to go to.
We recently had our first date and so far I haven’t found any hints of how this story will end but who knows, he could just be, dare I say, the one.
Words by Rebeca Calvo-Caspar