Emma’s Dilemma

Have you ever had a dilemma and had no one to talk to about it?

Well, iMPULSE agony aunt, Emma Smith, is here to hear all your problems and give you the best advice…

My girlfriend would rather travel than settle down with me

Dear Emma,

My girlfriend recently got back from three months of travelling and I asked her to move in with me. She said no, as she is planning on going away again and wants to save her money. I missed her so much the first time I don’t know if I can handle her going away again. I want us to get married but she says she wants to see the world before settling down. We’ve been together for almost six years and I thought we were really happy but I’m scared we want different things. Mark, 26

Dear Mark,

Wanting different things in the short-term is not as damaging for a relationship as you may think. If her goal is to go travelling, you can’t stop her. However, you can support her decision and be waiting with open arms on her return. Establish whether your long- term goals are the same. If she doesn’t foresee herself marrying or settling down, be honest and tell her you do. Don’t wait around for someone who has no plans for you in their future.

My husband flirts with other women on the internet

Dear Emma,

A few months ago I discovered my husband had been flirting with another woman on Facebook. When I confronted him he said it was “a bit of harmless fun”. He promised me it hadn’t gone any further but last week I found photos on his phone of the same woman in her underwear. I was furious but he insists he hasn’t cheated on me. We’ve only been married a year and there were instances when we first got together of him being inappropriate with other women. I thought marriage would change things but now I don’t know whether to trust him. Sarah, 25

Dear Sarah,

Your husband sounds rather untrustworthy to me. He has wronged you in the past and clearly lied to you about the extent of his contact with this woman. Whether he has physically cheated on you or not, he is emotionally betraying you and refusing to admit it. Your trust in this man is obviously shattered since you feel you have to look through his emails and phone. Let him know how much he has hurt you. If he is genuinely willing to stop this childish behaviour, per- haps you have a future. If he still continues to deceive you, do not give him any more chances, as it sounds like he has already had plenty.

Should i have an abortion without telling My boyfriend?

Dear Emma, I have just discovered that I am pregnant. I am only 19 but have been with my boyfriend for three years. We have always spoken about having a family but this is the wrong time. I am still at university and I’m not ready to be a mother. My boyfriend works full time and I know he would say he wants me to have this baby and would provide for us. He is strongly against abortions. Should I have a termination without telling him? Anna, 19

Dear Anna,

Keeping something like that from him will put more strain on your relationship than you can imagine. If you decide to have a termination and keep your partner in the dark, be prepared for the emotional consequences. Perhaps it would help for you to confide in a trusted family member or friend as their support will be vital. CareConfidential can offer advice and counselling to you pre or post abortion (tel: 0800 028 2228). Ask yourself if you can live with the guilt of not telling your partner.

Words and photography by Emma Smith

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